Self-destructive or helpful? How to harness envy for your benefit
The Guardian ·
In her new book, Envy, Stacy Kim explains how to understand the feeling, identify your deeper desires and use them to achieve your goals In the 16th-century poem The Faerie Queene, envy is a ghoulish figure riding a ravenous wolf, sad to see the fortune of others and “wonderous glad” of their hardship. It’s not a flattering depiction; better to be thankful for what we have, rather than dwell on such a bitter and self-destructive feeling, right? Maybe not. “I think that when we don’t examine our envy, that’s when it leads us astray,” says Dr Stacy Kim, social scientist, life coach and author of the new book Envy: Why Wanting What They Have is the Key to Getting What You Want. Kim wrote the book after seeing the way envy came up for her coaching clients and reflecting on the role it had in her own life. The book is informed by social science and philosophy research, as well as her personal and professional experiences. Similar target: “You remind yourself: ‘Hey, the reason why I’m feeling this envy is because what I want is within my reach,’” she says. Intangible desire, as mentioned above Relevant comparison: Identify which specific domain – something you care about or already participate in – is relevant to your desires Negative emotion: How long does it last? How intense is the message it’s sending? This tells us how important the feeling is. Envy: Why Wanting What They Have is the Key to Getting What You Want by Stacy S Kim is out now via Balance Continue reading...